Thursday, November 08, 2007

Day 7

Mood: Slogging through a swamp dragging a capsized sunken boat filled with rocks.
Words: 1,618

An Open Letter To The Common Cold


Dear Sir:

I do not require your services at this time. To be frank,

I am not getting sick.

You seem to think I am already under contract. The mistake is yours and I shall explain why.

- Aches, pains, sore muscles.
Merely the result of sitting for hours before the computer.

- Sore throat.
Coughing on a bit of toast.

- Tickling feeling in the nose like my lymphatic system is draining down my throat.
Dry air. Low humidity. Dehydration from too much coffee. Look, it doesn't really matter, now does it?

I Am Not Getting Sick.

Check my schedule. Is there a 'To Do' item that says develop sinus headache? Do you see a time slot in my calendar that can accommodate your meeting invitation titled: "Lay in bed and moan like you're going to die"? No, there isn't. Do you know why? Because, Mr. Common Cold,

I WILL NOT GET SICK!

Now piss off!

Best regards,
-Todd

p.s. For anyone else reading this, below is another character, Roz, Steve's girlfriend. Steve has begun to not trust her. Too bad because she holds his fate in her hands.

4 Comments:

Blogger Steve Buchheit said...

Legs that go all the way to the ground, gotta like that in a woman.

Good luck with that letter. I sure hope the cold listens, but I think you're going to have to get a real restraining order to make it enforceable. Somewhat.

November 8, 2007 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger russell said...

if the boat is capsized, how is it filled with rocks?

November 8, 2007 at 10:24 AM  
Anonymous rick o said...

YOU are healthy!
You ARE healthy!
You are HEALTHY!

The key to affirmations is to accentuate the positive, not merely diminish the negative. So, YOU ARE HEALTHY!

But, if you have to take to the sickbed, think of the plotting breakthroughs that emerge in the throes of delerious fever. I got a doozy last night about flooding that wiped out a house at 16 Ocean Street requiring a dangerous helicopter rescue in a cold driving rain. Yep, I'm using that.

Feel better.

November 8, 2007 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger Todd Wheeler said...

"if the boat is capsized, how is it filled with rocks?"

I saw it once on Survivor, so it must be true.

November 8, 2007 at 8:56 PM  

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